Do you often feel nervous and overly apologetic which makes you fumble in front of others? Do you find ‘facing people’ the toughest job and feel overpowered by others? If such an issue has been spoiling the weather of your life, it’s time to clear the clouds with the sunshine of ‘confidence’. Yes, the bug that has caught you is ‘fear’, which medicine is ‘self-confidence’.
But taking this medicine is not a one-minute job, it is a modus operandi. There is no machine or quick fix to boost your confidence in a snap. Confidence is an inner quality that can’t be produced or earned. Yes, there is no method that tells you how to build confidence. You need to develop and set it within.
Before we start working on boosting self-confidence, you need to understand two facts.
Fact-1: Be Real to be Confident!
Ask yourself, why you are not confident. Do people with more confidence suck your little confidence too?
People, who overpower you, are successful doing this because they are assured of their answers; they speak firmly and clearly; they admit easily if they do not know something. You find their heads high all the time not because they are more skilled than you. They just believe in them. They understand the fact that we are humans and no one is perfect. They do not let their weaknesses overpower them. They admire their strengths.
The only thing that is special in them is they are real, which brings confidence in them.
Fact-2: Be Positive for Gaining Confidence!
Do you know why confident people attract and fascinate? Because they walk with a belief that everything is good and positive -around and inside. Remember, what others find about you is only what ‘you’ make them see. What you feel inside is straightly reflected to others.
If you are filled with positivity; you are confident about all is good; you believe in yourself, that all will be reflected to others and make an aura around you. Think, if there is nothing good and positive inside you, how will you reflect that? How will others believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself within? If you are not confident, how will people show confidence in you?
Remember, being confident is nothing but a state of mind which is full of positive hope.
So, you know now the basic key to confidence which is being clear, real, firm and ‘positive’ from within.
Now let’s dive to the simple steps that tell you how to boost confidence!
The steps revolve around making you best with your looks, attitude and within.
Step 1- How to Make Confidence: Groom Yourself and Maintain Hygiene
The first step is to look good, not in other’s eyes, but in your own. How others see you is not important here, but how ‘you’ feel about yourself does matter a lot. Devote some time each day for your grooming. Start with small things like taking shower daily, flossing your teeth ensuring their cleanliness, donning neat clothes, making good hairdo, etc. The purpose is to care for yourself with good hygiene so that you feel fresh.
Here, looking good doesn’t mean you will replace your home slippers with heels or leather boots in home too; or you will buy a complete new wardrobe to look classy all the time. You don’t need to compromise with your comfort. This practice is all about finding your most comfy feel with best appearance.
When you will look good, you will feel good, which will keep you smiling and active while presenting you to anyone. So, groom yourself to look confident from outer appearance.
Step 2- How to Gain Confidence: Watch Your Body Language and Postures
People experienced in HR (Human Resources) judge an interviewee in initial 17 seconds. Their major decision is taken on the way you present yourself. Your confidence reflects in your body language, attitude and every posture. So, develop a soft yet strong personality.
Walk purposefully with firm footsteps. Don’t walk too powerfully too, which produces too loud sound, turning everyone’s attention on you. Don’t drag your feet, rubbing them on ground with sluggishness.
Keep your spine charged with straightness. It indicates that you are active and up. A bent or folded spine shows you lethargic.
Keep your shrunk shoulders back. Hanging shoulders are not welcoming.
A scowling person or angry-man expression might reduce your chances to make friends. Make yourself approachable and let others feel comfortable while meeting to you.
Add smile to your lips. A smile has an unimaginable charm that can work wonders. Don’t fake it. If you are not happy to meet someone, smile for yourself, for rejoicing your new confident personality. Feel happy with your inner being.
Don’t keep your head hanging low. Face the world with up head.
Let your chin set a bit high.
Don’t look here and there when you put your opinions. Look into the eyes when you talk to someone. But don’t gaze too. Our goal is not making someone feel awkward and down because of staring at them. It is not to make some nervous, conscious or embarrassed. We just want to add the legitimacy to what we say.
Our eyes reflect our soul. Making an eye contact is an important aspect of any communication that adds worth and authenticity. If you let your eyes speak, they can communicate the half. Don’t forget to let them in while making interactions.
Presence and Behavior
Present yourself at ease. Maintain calmness in the way you behave. Keep your body opened. When you cross your legs or arms, you give a message that you are not interested to welcome. Don’t pretend to be preoccupied or keep diving into your phone only, until you are not really busy. Behave welcoming.
Understand, we are not faking this way, but trying to adopt some good practices in our day-to-day life. Your maintained, balanced and disciplined appearance is an important part of looking confident. So, watch it, improve it, and then present it feeling good about being better, indeed perfect. When you will be sure about how you are presenting yourself, you will find you genuinely confident.
Step 3- Where to Find Confidence: Realize Your Good Qualities and Pat Yourself
You Are Not ‘Nothing’
Even if you feel real bad about your weaknesses that keep looming around you, take a breath and pat yourself. Thinking about your negative points is worth for improvising them, but weighing them all the time at your head can make you depressed and frustrated.
You Just Need to Realize
Giving value to your good points and attributes is also important. Focus on your qualities too, to increase your worth in your eyes. These qualities may be anything, like about your looks, behavior, nature, personality, skills, talent, etc.
Why ‘You’ Can’t Love Yourself?
Think about your friends and family members. They love you like anything because you are worth of it and they see something good in you. Then why you can’t love yourself?
Don’t You Remember Those Praises?
Give compliments to yourself. Cherish what praises you have ever got in your life and acknowledge them. This might be for your smile too or for the way you manage the situations or the way you handle the things being cool in stressful circumstances.
Don’t You Remember Those Accomplishments?
Even a small good that you have done is a gesture of goodness. If you have ever said a line of motivation to your friend or beloved one, it is worth calculating and cherishing. Don’t forget to pat yourself for them.
Appreciate and Honor Yourself
We all have flows and are not perfect. If you are even taking your step to become better, it shows your inner goodness. It also shows how modest and good-hearted you are. This is a plus and positive attribute of yourself.
Whenever you remember these, make a note of them in bullets and keep adding. Refer them whenever you feel down.
Step 4- Brainstorm to Know the Hurdles: What Stops You from becoming Confident?
Take a paper and think deep about the insect that keep biting your brain and stops you from getting confident. Ask to yourself real hard, “Why I am not confident?” You will find the solution in your answers. How? Check the below example.
Find Out the Killer-Bug of Confidence
If you are not confident while giving a presentation, ask yourself why and point out all the points in a paper. Brainstorm. Are you afraid that you will forget the points? Do you think your presentation is not good? Does people looking at you appear scaring to you? Does your colleague’s success or better performance distract you?
Why Practice Exercise for Confidence?
Your fears are produced where your weaknesses reside. This exercise will also remove your weak spots, strengthening you at those points.
How to Build Confidence in Fears?
Now here are simple solutions:
Remember all the points twice. Write them in a paper and check where you loosing. Practice them speaking loud again.
Make your presentation with a calm mind. Research well to sum up all the points and presenting the best content. Add animations to your slides to make it attractive. Use Google to take ideas and add best images.
Practice in front of mirror and face yourself, so that you can face other people confidently during presentation.
You Are Confident Now! Just Go Ahead!
Remember everyone who seems perfect was with flaws some day. He practiced a lot to polish him, which you are also doing. And when you have done your home work very well, no one can stop or afraid you. After removing all the negatives, there is nothing left to fear about. You have no reason to not present yourself with confidence. Go ahead and rock! The world is yours.
Step 5- You Are Not the Only Struggler Fighting for Confidence
Did you know all the humans out there are fighting to improve their confidence level? Those who look confident are just better actors or have skills to hide their struggle. No one is 100% confident.
In the above example, where the presenter feels conscious about people are watching at him, he doesn’t know what those all attendees are really thinking that time. They are mostly occupied thinking about their own tern. When they constantly look at you or give a stare at you, they actually see their own reflection in you. They do not judge ‘you’ that time, they judge themselves that time.
Take a sigh! Above that all, you are not born to be perfect or to prove yourself all the time. Take the things easy. Let go! Let you breath. Forget all the hurdles and give your best. Don’t worry about results. Worry about not leaving any space in your efforts. That’s it.
Step 6- What is Confidence? Can You Really Don it forever?
You achieved confidence once, okay great. So do you posses it for life time? No! It is not a candy to win. It is a practice, a modus operandi. Life doesn’t always give you the same way to walk. It gives you surprises with different events of life. You need to inculcate confidence deep in you to remain ready for them all.
If you achieve confidence once and in next event again your fears overpower you; then remember the last event. Pat yourself for that victory. Face your fears and gain confidence with the same practice again.
However, you also need to know the fact that you can’t wear confidence always. You don’t need to too. So relax! Take this confidence job lightly and easily.
Step 7- You Are Gifted with Confidence: Go to Your Childhood!
When we are just born, we cry. We are not aware of modes. We had no fears and we used to do whatever we wanted, wherever we wanted, whenever we wanted, and however we wanted. The world kept pointing us and kept changing us. In the process of being better, indeed being the way this world wants us to be, we let our confidence be eaten.
Those fears do not belong to us really. You learned to remain afraid. They say we can unlearn what we had learned, so do it. Let all judgments and pointed fingers for indicating your good and bad points not matter to you. Your existence is above others judgments too. Fight back and raise, to take your gift back which you were born with. Gain your carelessness and confidence back.
Step 8- Get Rid of that Spinning Head!
When think too much about something, your mind stuck at the point and get out of the moment. Do not constantly think about being perfect for getting confidence. Live the moment.
Step 9- Pursue Your Interests: Excel Yourself!
If you are preserving any hobby or passion inside you, but ignoring from a while, now is the perfect moment to start meeting interests that drive you. Exploring what your heart says will make you alive and growing that will boost your confidence. Learn new ways to joy like- singing, dancing, painting, or work on any other project that interests you.
You also can do it with the one who is like-minded or keeps similar interests or hobbies.
Step 10- Feel the Joy of Small Triumphs
No one gets perfect with anything in a snap. To develop a practice takes time. Don’t force yourself to be awesome right at your first step. Give yourself some time. Enjoy the happiness of small-small achievements.
Step 11- Be Open to Strangers and People around You: Welcome New Relations!
Being confident is a ‘state of mind’ at a moment, which can be made a habit that you grow after practicing it for long term. For keeping your practice going, you can also talk to strangers. It is not about going out, finding strangers and making worthless conversations. It is about being spontaneous at the opportunities.
Help someone who has forgotten his way. Talk actively to the girl or boy at shop’s counter or cafeteria. Forget outsiders. If anyone knock your door be welcoming instead of hiding your face and leaving that to other family members.
These small efforts will make you presentable in front of any random person around you. The grown spontaneous behavior will help you to be confident in long term.
Step 12- Stop Feeling Sorry All the Time: Don’t Apologize Overtly, Everywhere
Feeling or saying sorry is a good trait, but only if you genuinely have mistaken, it is necessary, or if you have inconvenienced someone.
We have countless words to frame a sentence. Those three words “I am sorry” are not the only option always. “Hope it didn’t bother you” or anything else can also express your feelings. This is the time to use your sense of humor.
It will save you from being unsure about yourself and from feeling inferior in front of someone. Apologizing any moment might decrease your value in your eyes unconsciously. So be careful about it next time while saying.
The idea is not to feel ashamed of saying sorry or taking it on your prestige. The idea is if you were not intended to hurt someone or doing something wrong, don’t bother yourself. Say sorry only when you realize it from deep. Do you say “I love you” frequently to anyone? You say it when you really mean it. Take ‘I am sorry’ the same way.
Step 13- Follow Two Rules of Compliments
How you take to your complements shows your sense.
When someone compliments you, don’t express too much excitement on it, otherwise it will show that you are given overtly which you are not able to handle. Express back mildly. Give a gentle smile with a “thank you”. Being humble will show that you have sense of what you are worth of and you were confident of your abilities. You deserved it and the praises are not over your head.
After accepting the complements, don’t forget to give them back. It will save you from being prideful or getting carried away. So keep your scores equal with the giver to maintain a balance. Think, you have given the return gift.
Being humble is an indirect approach to feed you with confidence unconsciously in the back of your mind.
Step 14- Have Confidence by Increasing Self-Worth: Help Others!
Add points to self-worth through helping others. When you help someone, you share the positivity of goodness and a ray of hope. It enhances the good vibes around you through the blessing and good wishes of those who are helped by you. This whole increases your worth around and in your eyes too. The sense of being worth is something that can take your confidence to another level.
Step 15- Don’t Let Others Harass You or Let You Down
If you are around a crowd that keep judging you all the time, make them count your successes. Even then if they have made you the target, change your group. You have not taken birth to please and prove to others. A balanced life needs peace. Either counter them back or let your good work speak to them. If they still create unnecessary hurdles, take a smart move and change your way.
Step 16- Rope Victory Flag over Nervousness: Speed Down
When you do the things hurriedly, you end up with a mess. Behave calm. Don’t get nervous. Breathe in and out keeping all the worries at bay and get your patience back. There is nothing that you can’t. Say yourself “Yes, I can do it”. You will see your confidence is back the moment you have bid farewell to your nervousness. Now get back to work and deal coolly and serenely.
Step 17- Say ‘No’ to Pessimism: Take Risk
When you say ‘I can’ you are half done. When you ‘I can’t’ you are half failed. Success and failure is all in our head. Don’t let pessimism come in your way. No outcome is bad, doesn’t matter it was fruitful or not. If you get succeed, bingo. If you don’t, then to you are not empty hands. You have learnt and got lessons to hit back the right chord. So always be positive about whatever you do and see what heights your confidence takes you eventually.
Step 18- Stop Doing ComparisonsIf you comparing to someone has come in your habit, it is going to take you nowhere. You will always find someone better than you in particular things. Comparisons arouse a feel of jealousy too sometimes which is a destroyer.
Chase only your own goals. Compare you to yourself only. If you still don’t know what you want, then search your soul now, before doing anything. Set your own targets and standards.
Remember, we humans tend to flaunt our victories only. We never say in public what cost we paid or what we lost in achieving a thing. This is how the case is of others too. So don’t set your benchmark seeing others every time. They have their own life, circumstances, resources, plus and minuses. So focus on what and where your soul wants you to be.
Step 19- Avoid Chasing Perfection
You do whatever hard there will remain a scope of improvement. So don’t run behind getting everything perfect around you.
Think what is the worth of cooking food too decorative if a person is hungry now, and you serve to him after 3 hours, just because you wanted to make it world’s most delicious meal?
Think what is the rationale of looking too beautiful, keeping someone to wait for you just because it’s your date, so to look gorgeous, you had been applying make from last 45 minutes?
Imperfections have their own beauty, do remember!
Step 20- Be Hopeful: Believe as Strongly as You Can!
You believe in God, parents, magic, fairytale or in whatever else, but do believe! You can believe in yourself too. A belief has unimaginable power that keeps you motivating, energetic, hopeful, and positive. And when you live with them all, the confidence walks with you as your shadow, giving you strength.
We keep probing how to become confident and don’t realize that the solution is in our own hands. It is within us. You just need to be fearless, courageous and positive about yourself. And you will find that the sky is your limit.